Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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