Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
