When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
So squirting runs in the family.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
