Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
