Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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