I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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