i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
