oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
