I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
