were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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