all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My vagina just clenched in fear
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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