i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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