Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
