i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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