i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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