My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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