My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
