you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
