wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
