so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
