this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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