easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
