Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
