atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
