my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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