Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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