Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
