just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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