I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
