I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
