the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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