so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
