i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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