i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize