I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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