thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Oh god it's open bar.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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