I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
