you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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