The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
All I want is dick and wine.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
