I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
