you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
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I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
40s are totally the cure
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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