You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize