I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
