Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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