Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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