he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
This baby is an asshole
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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