How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
