I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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