the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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