I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
