Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
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The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
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Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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