she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
