my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
