I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize