Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i think my cat just said my name.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
not ubering you a puppy
Randomize
