You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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