how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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