Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
