Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
