i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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