did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
