OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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