The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I could make wine with my vomit
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
