We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I smell like Dick and happiness
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
