Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
