I want to have your abortion
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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