as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
