Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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