I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
